Ranting
Before the start of summer I informed my husband of what he needed to be aware of as far as my behavior and my tells and ticks that will clue him in to my mental state. I made sure he understood how important this was... and all summer long he has ignored every sign to the point where our son has to tell him that I'm in bad shape and need to leave and by the time it gets to that point... it's too late. I'm done. I'm incapable. I'm a wreck.
I get one day a week to sleep in... unless I have to do rounds that day. Well... after two weeks I finally got a day to sleep in and was doing great until the husband's alarm went off... and kept going off until I woke up enough to say, "Turn it off please."
He wants to attend an event downtown. Invites his parents. Does not tell our son. Our son wants to do a few specific things today - nothing time consuming just certain places he wants to go and I told him I'd take him. Told his dad all of this. But we might not be able to do those things I promised all week we would do... and I'm upsetting my son first thing in the morning because I thought his dad had told him what the plan was... since they were home all day yesterday.
...and I'm still pissed off that a week ago I came home from work to find the in-laws here, specifically said the words, "I'm not up for company, I can't do this." Just to have the all head to the park for about an hour and then for them to all come back and for my husband to leave me alone with his parents for over an hour while he went to the store to get stuff to grill some burgers... because now they're miraculously staying for dinner.
Even though I said I'm not up for company.
Even though I came home in bad shape, cried and everything.
So thoughtful!!
I fucking HATE my in-laws with a passion.
Somehow nobody seems to fucking realize this - yes the words have been said on more than one occasion and instead I get things like, "I know you don't want to be here but I'm glad you are."
I know you're miserable but I'm glad you are!
I've spent a lot of time doing things I don't want to do with people I don't want to spend time with in the name of family despite the fact that I have friends and family who don't get along with their in-laws who aren't forced to spend time with them or have them repeatedly visit the home. Despite the fact that my husband does not come with me to visit my family - ever.
So I get PISSED and talk to my husband and he gets upset and if I hate his parents how can I love him and WHY IS THIS SO FUCKING STRANGE TO THEM? It's like the mother-in-law hating thing is something they've never heard of... but my MIL hated her MIL and that was fine/normal/okay... but my not getting along with her is not what she had planned. She spent years imagining the woman her son would marry and creating this relationship in her head.
She told me this.
I told her she was wrong and she shouldn't have done that because I'm not going to live up to her expectations.
She said she understood, she knew that and she didn't expect me to... but she has still been trying to be my BFF for years and I swear to the gods having to put up with them IN MY HOME on my day off is more than I can fucking handle.
There's an event downtown I have no desire to intend and zero interest in.
But I have a feeling my ass will be guilt-tripped into heading down there.
So I can attend the event I do not want to attend with people I hate and people who force me to do things I don't want to do with people I don't like.
As my Father-in-law slowly loses touch with reality I get more and more scared that my MIL is going to wind up having to live with us... because she doesn't get along with her daughter... but my sister and brother-in-law can handle the woman and I can't so she'll fucking destroy my marriage and do it with a smile.
I can't talk to anyone about this because 1.) it's been going on for almost 15 years - NOTHING HAS CHANGED and everyone is sick of hearing about it. 2.) only a fraction of my friends and family believe me and the rest think I'm exaggerating. Those who have met the in-laws or have determined that in all these years my stories haven't changed... understand. 3.) Every bit of advice I get for how to deal with them is something I've already tried. It's like nobody knows how to deal with narcissistic in-laws when your spouse has no idea their parents are narcissistic and thinks they're perfectly normal and wonderful people and that everyone else has the problem.
10 out of 10 people think your parents are FUCKING WEIRD AS HELL.
But it's those 10 who are the weird ones??
I understand that normal to one is not normal to another and everyone is different and blah blah blah but when 10 people can agree that someone is FUCKING NUTS why be the one person denying it? Why get angry? Why get defensive? Why not try listening to people, open your eyes and take a look at things form another perspective. Your normal is actually REALLY FUCKED UP...
I get one day a week to sleep in... unless I have to do rounds that day. Well... after two weeks I finally got a day to sleep in and was doing great until the husband's alarm went off... and kept going off until I woke up enough to say, "Turn it off please."
He wants to attend an event downtown. Invites his parents. Does not tell our son. Our son wants to do a few specific things today - nothing time consuming just certain places he wants to go and I told him I'd take him. Told his dad all of this. But we might not be able to do those things I promised all week we would do... and I'm upsetting my son first thing in the morning because I thought his dad had told him what the plan was... since they were home all day yesterday.
...and I'm still pissed off that a week ago I came home from work to find the in-laws here, specifically said the words, "I'm not up for company, I can't do this." Just to have the all head to the park for about an hour and then for them to all come back and for my husband to leave me alone with his parents for over an hour while he went to the store to get stuff to grill some burgers... because now they're miraculously staying for dinner.
Even though I said I'm not up for company.
Even though I came home in bad shape, cried and everything.
So thoughtful!!
I fucking HATE my in-laws with a passion.
Somehow nobody seems to fucking realize this - yes the words have been said on more than one occasion and instead I get things like, "I know you don't want to be here but I'm glad you are."
I know you're miserable but I'm glad you are!
I've spent a lot of time doing things I don't want to do with people I don't want to spend time with in the name of family despite the fact that I have friends and family who don't get along with their in-laws who aren't forced to spend time with them or have them repeatedly visit the home. Despite the fact that my husband does not come with me to visit my family - ever.
So I get PISSED and talk to my husband and he gets upset and if I hate his parents how can I love him and WHY IS THIS SO FUCKING STRANGE TO THEM? It's like the mother-in-law hating thing is something they've never heard of... but my MIL hated her MIL and that was fine/normal/okay... but my not getting along with her is not what she had planned. She spent years imagining the woman her son would marry and creating this relationship in her head.
She told me this.
I told her she was wrong and she shouldn't have done that because I'm not going to live up to her expectations.
She said she understood, she knew that and she didn't expect me to... but she has still been trying to be my BFF for years and I swear to the gods having to put up with them IN MY HOME on my day off is more than I can fucking handle.
There's an event downtown I have no desire to intend and zero interest in.
But I have a feeling my ass will be guilt-tripped into heading down there.
So I can attend the event I do not want to attend with people I hate and people who force me to do things I don't want to do with people I don't like.
As my Father-in-law slowly loses touch with reality I get more and more scared that my MIL is going to wind up having to live with us... because she doesn't get along with her daughter... but my sister and brother-in-law can handle the woman and I can't so she'll fucking destroy my marriage and do it with a smile.
I can't talk to anyone about this because 1.) it's been going on for almost 15 years - NOTHING HAS CHANGED and everyone is sick of hearing about it. 2.) only a fraction of my friends and family believe me and the rest think I'm exaggerating. Those who have met the in-laws or have determined that in all these years my stories haven't changed... understand. 3.) Every bit of advice I get for how to deal with them is something I've already tried. It's like nobody knows how to deal with narcissistic in-laws when your spouse has no idea their parents are narcissistic and thinks they're perfectly normal and wonderful people and that everyone else has the problem.
10 out of 10 people think your parents are FUCKING WEIRD AS HELL.
But it's those 10 who are the weird ones??
I understand that normal to one is not normal to another and everyone is different and blah blah blah but when 10 people can agree that someone is FUCKING NUTS why be the one person denying it? Why get angry? Why get defensive? Why not try listening to people, open your eyes and take a look at things form another perspective. Your normal is actually REALLY FUCKED UP...
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